Posts tagged “hurt

Lighthouse, Chapter 23

Posted on 24/08/2016

J.R. gritted his teeth as Darah’s monotonous voice message played for the fifth time, this time he didn’t wait and disconnected the call. Then he blew out a breath.

“What, she’s not answering?”

Glancing once at Hana beside him, J.R. shook his head and started re-dialing.

Bhaiyaa, I really don’t think harassing—”

“I’ll be back,” he answered curtly and stood. Putting the phone to his ear, J.R. exited the room without hearing her response.

Though acutely aware of his brusque attitude with Hana, his growing frustration with Darah’s evasiveness left no room for patience. Three days had passed since he’d last seen Darah; terrified and trembling in front of his father’s hospital room. And since not even Clement was gracious enough to tell him what happened, he had to play phone tag until someone picked up—

“Teka House, may I know who’s speaking?”

J.R.’s face lit up at the sound of Abe and Phoebe’s eldest child. “Isaac, hey. It’s Uncle J.R.”

When there was a pause on the other line, J.R.’s brow furrowed. “Hello?”

“Uh, yeah… Uncle J.R., hello.”

Pausing, J.R. imagined what or who could cause awkwardness in his reply. “She’s there, isn’t she?”

Isaac peeked once at Darah gesturing wildly for him to keep her presence unknown. His eleven-year-old mind didn’t understand why telling a lie was right, no matter how many times his aunty reassured him. More troubling was why she didn’t want to talk to Uncle J.R. “Um….”

J.R. would’ve laughed if he wasn’t ridden with anxiety. This woman would be the death of him; that much was for sure. Dragging a hand over his face, he exhaled a breath. “Okay, don’t say anything but yes or no. Is your aunt sitting next to you right now?”

Again, Isaac peered over at his aunt who shook her head as though reading his mind. He worried his bottom lip, very much like his mother did when unsure. “Yes.”

“Is she okay?”

The pre-teen arched a brow when his aunty kept gesticulating wildly, as if he contemplated whether or not she was in her right mind. He sighed again and nodded. “Yes.”

J.R. breathed out a sigh of relief. “Okay, good… That’s good.”

“What’s he saying?” she mouthed to her nephew who merely shrugged, his brow knotted in confusion.

Deciding it was much easier hiding out in the room than making the kids lie on her behalf, she headed for the stairs. Upon descent, her legs were like jelly and tingled with every step. She had to hold the banister to guide her. Topping the last step, she heard Phoebe clucking her tongue in disapproval by Eli’s bedroom door.

“When will you stop playing phone tag with this poor man?” Phoebe came to stand before her, arms folded. “And it’s not cool to have the kids do your dirty work, Darah.”

“If he’d stop calling, I won’t need to do that.” She moved around her to enter the room. “I don’t have anything to say to him.”

“Yeah right. Weren’t you the one just begging Clement to take you to him? I don’t buy it.” Phoebe perched beside her. “What happened at the hospital?”

“I don’t have anything to say about that either.” She quickly turned away so her sister-in-law couldn’t read her face. The tingling sensation still remained, traveling up her legs to her hips. Instinctively, she wrapped a hand over her stomach and closed her eyes.

“In any case,” Phoebe spoke after a moment of silence. “The next time he calls my phone I’ll answer. If you won’t give me a reason for why we have to avoid him, I’ll have to do what is necessary.”

“Please don’t meddle.” Darah winced as the tingle morphed into a piercing pain across her stomach. She pressed fingers against her lower abdomen.

Phoebe scoffed. “When you’ve got the kids involved, how could I not?”

Darah didn’t respond at first, her body taut until the wave of pain eased off. She drew in a breath and released it, grateful for the reprieve. The painful pangs only came once in a while, and could easily be solved by eating. Realizing both breakfast and lunch had been forgotten today, she pushed herself up on her elbow. “Hey, is there any food?”

“So now you’re ready to eat without me begging?”

She ignored the derisive tone, well aware of the fact that Phoebe almost force-fed her for three straight days. She rolled her eyes. “My appetite is back. Look if there’s nothing, I’ll go get it myself.”

Phoebe smirked. “Okay then. What are you craving?”

As another twinge of pain squeezed her stomach, she stifled a grimace. The urgency to eat something couldn’t wait for Phoebe’s meticulous cooking. “Actually, never mind. I need some fresh air, so I’ll get something from the store.”

“Hope not fast food,” Phoebe said, following her out the door. “You’ve got to be careful about greasy stuff now, okay?”

“Got it,” Darah answered without exasperation, slightly distracted by the tingling in her stomach. Reaching the bottom of the step, she passed Isaac still on the phone. “Hang up the phone, Isaac!” she called over her shoulder, grabbing the car keys from the console table on her way to the door.

“Where’s she going?” Isaac asked his mother who placed a hand over his shoulder. He gladly relinquished the phone to her when she held out a hand and hurried back upstairs to play video games before it was time for homework.

“Hey J.R.,” Phoebe spoke into the phone, watching from the window as Darah climbed down the porch steps to the driveway. “How are you?”

Grimacing fully now, she rubbed her belly and walked up to the minivan. “What’s wrong, baby? I’m about to feed you so—”

“Darah?”

At the familiar voice, her face darkened and she turned to see Tess standing in the driveway.

With a sheepish expression, Tess waved. “Hey.”

Darah’s scowl darkened and she folded her arms across her chest. “What do you want? I’m busy.”

Her smile slipped off her face and Tess lowered her hand, tucking it behind her. “Can we talk?”

With the tingling in her legs resuming, Darah readied herself to reject the request. She didn’t have time for unpleasant chats with traitor ex-best friends.

“Maybe a café somewhere near. It’s on me.” Her expression turned plaintive. “Please?”

On cue, Darah’s stomach growled and Tess’s eyes dropped to it. Darah pursed her lips in thought. As much as she didn’t want to talk with Tess, it would be foolish of her to pass up free food. She cleared her throat and tilted her chin as haughtily as she could. “Where to?”

A ghost of a smile twitched Tess’s lips but faded quickly. “Uh, how about the Thai café you like, the one across the library?”

Apparently the baby wanted Thai food as much as she did, her stomach twisting and turning violently and loudly too. She cleared her throat to mask the gurgling sounds and shrugged. “I guess.”

“Uh, okay…” Tess paused, noting Darah’s legs trembled visibly. “Are you okay?”

“Yup.” Darah placed hands on her hips, adopting a casual air in spite of her wobbly legs. “Go ahead, I’ll meet you there.”

“You sure? We could drive together if—”

“That won’t be happening.” She threw Tess a withering look that brooked no argument. “Go on ahead.”

Tess nodded, her eyes volleying between Darah’s flat stomach and face. “Guess I’ll see you there then.”

“Right,” Darah answered curtly, keeping her face void of emotion until Tess finally turned away. Leaning back against the car door, she glared at the car blocking her passage. “Annoying wench.”

Her suspicion was confirmed moments later when Darah glanced at the rearview mirror and spotted Tess’ car trailing hers. In a moment of pettiness that would disapprove Phoebe, Darah suddenly braked hard and despite the niggling ache in her stomach, she grinned when brakes screeched loud behind her.

Then a car bleated impatiently behind Tess’s car and Darah’s smile disappeared. She immediately stepped off the brakes, deciding to hear Tess once she’d filled her restless belly.

Minutes later with an unsettled stomach, Darah wished she’d ignored Tess altogether. Even with an appealing plate of pad Thai before her, the smell of curry and peanut made her mouth water for a different reason. She pushed the nausea down and nudged the plate away.

“Don’t you have anything to ask me?” Tess took a sip of her water before reaching for her spoon. “I mean, I’m sure you have plenty questions about Jeremy and I.”

Darah dragged her eyes to the middle of Tess’s forehead. “I actually don’t.”

Tess didn’t look convinced. “You seriously don’t want to know how it happened?”

“Not really. Look, I’m not in the mood for small talk if that’s why you lured me here.”

Tess frowned at Darah’s untouched plate. “Isn’t Pad Thai your favorite, or do you want something else?” She turned her head and signaled for the waiter.

“Don’t bother with the fake courtesy either,” Darah replied, rubbing the tension in her stomach. “And don’t look at me like that. We have no reason to sit together and eat like we’re friends or something.”

One brow arched, Tess snorted. Then she lowered her gaze to her green curry dish and giggled.

Darah scowled. “And what’s so funny?”

“Everything…” Tess placed her fork down and folded her arms across her chest. She looked up at Darah, eyes dancing with mocking laughter. “It still boggles my mind how we ended up here, like this.”

If they weren’t in a public place, Darah would’ve tossed her cold water in her face. Instead, she bunched her free hand into a fist under the table.

“All these years I thought we’d be friends forever,” Tess continued, leaning back in her chair. “That we’d each get married to the loves of our lives, have children who’d be friends and we’d grow old together, sharing memories…”

“What nonsense. How could you even dream that up when you’d so easily betray my trust in you?” Just the mention of the betrayal made her stomach turn.

The wistful smile on Tess’s face disappeared. “I was only relevant when you needed to vent to someone, or needed advice that you didn’t want your family knowing about. Admit it Darah, you used me.”

Darah rolled her eyes. “How typical of you, acting like the victim.”

Tess gaped at her. “I’m the victim when you’re the one always mentioning your hard-knock life with meddlesome brothers and no parents—?”

“Shut your mouth!” she snapped angrily. “Shut your dirty mouth, you backstabber.”

“Oh, calm down…” Tess paused when the waiter suddenly appeared at their table, refilling their water glasses. She sighed in exasperation. “Could you come back later?”

“No actually, please pack this up for me,” Darah said, nudging the plate aside.

“Sure thing,” the waiter answered, reaching for the plate. “Will this be on the same order or—”

“Separate checks please!” Tess answered.

Darah laughed incredulously, unfazed. “Someone’s petty.”

“… I’ll be right back,” the waiter said awkwardly and hurried away.

“How funny, I thought you agreed to foot the bill.”

“I changed my mind.” The gleam in Tess’s eyes made Darah bristle. “Since I only pay for my friends.”

“Of course you—” Darah gasped inwardly as a sharper pain sluiced through her stomach, down to the spot between her legs. The hand on her belly clenched her shirt, and she pressed the heels of her feet against the chair legs. It took longer than a second to catch her breath.

“Well, I’ll just tell you that it was an honest mistake,” Tess sniffed, picking at invisible dust on her shoulder. “I certainly wasn’t expecting to fall for anyone while in grad school, but it happened. We saw each other and hit it off. I only found out he was with you after I saw a picture of you together. It would’ve been good if you’d told me about him beforehand.”

Darah ignored her, the sudden urge to use the toilet compelling her to leave the table. Plus, she wasn’t in the mood to hear any lame excuses for Tess’s betrayal. Except that her feet tingled, and she imagined herself falling on her face in front of Tess.

Then the waiter returned with the takeout box, and Tess turned to ask him about ordering another dish for her fiancé.

Using this chance to escape, Darah pressed her palms against the arms of the chair and pushed to stand. Suddenly, warm liquid gushed down her leg. Freezing to a stop, Darah’s eyes widened in astonishment. Then dread. Her heart started to race in panic as she looked down at her light-colored joggers.

Tess looked at Darah suspended between standing and sitting, noting her wide-eyed expression. “What’s the matter with you?”

Petrified, Darah dropped to her seat, her tingling legs and the spinning room knocking her off balance.

“Oh my God, is she bleeding?” someone behind her whispered, confirming what she’d seen.

“Is she okay?” another called out to their table.

“Darah!” Tess’ voice rang loud in echoes. She quickly pushed away from the table to reach for Darah whose body drooped forward.

The sounds of panicked voices drowned the violent thumping of her pulse. Once the waiter caught her head from landing in the plate of warm pad Thai, everything faded to black.

<<Chapter 22 || Chapter 24>>

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Lighthouse, Chapter 22

Posted on 19/08/2016

“But…” L.J.’s eyes skimmed her face when Darah looked up. “He loves you.”

Her breath caught at the words. “He does?”

His expression turned quizzical. “You didn’t know?”

Dazed, Darah shook her head.

“You’re certainly are an odd one.” L.J. coughed and drew in a raspy breath, his brow furrowed in pain.

Alarmed, she reached out. “My God, are you okay?”

He held out a hand to ward her off. “Calm down before they hear you.”

Settling back in her seat, she warily eyed the prongs in his nose and the mask resting on his chin. “Are you sure you should be discharged?”

“Not you too,” he groaned as he lay back against the pillow. Then he sighed. “I hate hospitals.”

“Not many like ‘em.” She eyed his taut features. He wasn’t good at hiding much of anything, including pain. She motioned to the oxygen mask he wasn’t utilizing. “Maybe you should wear that.”

He didn’t even blink. “And maybe you should hush…”

Darah drew a hand over her mouth like a zipper. Relief loosened her shoulders when his lips twitched a smile. Maybe J.R.’s father could be charmed after all.

“Anyway, I’m sure you already know about J.R.’s mother.”

She sobered. “Hana told me about her.”

His brows raised, then shrugged. “Yeah, well it’s been a while since we had a woman in the house.”

“Except Hana.”

“Not counting Hana… she’s family.”

Ignoring the painful twist in her gut, Darah managed a smile. “I know she’s your pick for J.R.”

“Marrying Hana or anyone else…” he grimaced, unable to mask his discomfort. “… is his choice to make. I only make suggestions based on my experiences. It’s what parents do.”

She wrung her hands together. “Well, he values your opinion.”

“A bit too much, but that’s my fault.” L.J. muttered, fidgeting gingerly. “Ugh… I really hate this bed.”

Darah hurried to his side and ignoring the weight of his suspicious stare on her face, she fluffed his pillow before returning it behind his head.

“Thank you,” he mumbled as she took her place at the foot of his bed. “Where was I?”

“You’re welcome. And J.R.’s valuing your opinion being your fault…”

“Right,” he played with the rubber of the oxygen mask. “Well, it’s been a struggle for me to let him make choices for himself… and now I wonder if I haven’t held on too long.”

Darah nodded, knowing the gist of it all.

“I’d always assumed I’d live to see him get married and have kids.” His cursory gaze swept over her. “To live and bounce my grandchildren on my knee, and tell them stories of their heritage.”

Her shoulders tensed under his probing stare and she tightened her clasped hands.

“I guess I’d forgotten life can be unjust at time—” L.J. drew in an uneven breath that caught in his throat. His brows furrowed and alarm flitted in his features as he choked on the breath. The sound of the cough that left his mouth was violent and harsh, the sheer pain of it deepened the lines in his brow. He gasped for air, hand moving to his throat.

Frightened, Darah jumped to her feet. “I-I’ll get the nurse.” She hurried out the door before he could stop her, not that she noticed as she barreled down the hallway.

Nurse Karen turned the corner just as Darah hurried toward it. She grabbed Darah’s shoulders, chuckling. “Whoa, you okay?”

Heart racing, she gestured over her shoulder. “Please help. He can’t breathe.”

The woman’s amusement fled as her eyes drifted over Darah’s head. She brushed past Darah toward the room, and Darah didn’t follow, hurrying around the corner in search of J.R. and Hana.

She found them standing just inside the conservatory windows that overlooked the garden. Clement was nowhere in sight and from their identical stances, Hana and J.R. were in deep conversation. She bit her bottom lip, hesitating to interrupt them. Then the alarm in L.J.’s eyes propelled her forward. “E—“

“What will he say once he finds out?” Hana stifled Darah’s words.

“I don’t know,” J.R. answered in a strained voice. He was clearly exhausted.

“I know,” Hana countered. “He’ll be against it, especially since it’s not even your child.”

Darah’s stomach turned violently and she shifted from view when Hana turned her head to glare at J.R.

“What are you thinking, Bhaiyaa?”

Curiosity of J.R.’s thoughts temporarily outweighed Darah’s urgency to inform him of his father. So she stalled, waiting and dreading his response.

J.R. sighed heavily. “I don’t know.”

Darah’s brow furrowed. What didn’t he know?

“Are you really thinking of marrying her?”

J.R. was silent a little too long and Darah bit the inside of her cheek a little too hard, drawing blood. Her pulse thumped violently in her throat as she stared at his back and broad shoulders.

Hana sighed heavily. “Maybe I shouldn’t say this—”

“Then don’t.”

Darah glared at Hana. The woman was meddling more now than before she knew Darah’s little secret.

J.R. sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. “Look, it’s complicated.”

Darah frowned at the back of J.R.’s head.

Hana snorted. “Well it’s about to get more complicated, Bhaiyaa. Are you really going to let Uncle think the baby’s yours? And what if the father wants to be part of the baby’s life, can you handle the drama?”

With each second J.R. remained silent, Darah grew more troubled. Blood pooled in her mouth as she gnawed the inside of her cheek, eyes stinging with tears that threatened to spill, her stomach in gnarled knots. His hesitance condemned her for putting him in such an awful predicament; having to tell his dying father that the woman he’d chosen was having another man’s baby. She could imagine the horror and disappointment in L.J.’s eyes, and the hurt and shame in J.R.’s.

Darah took a step back, losing courage to announce herself. She was the bad guy in the story—the villain dashing L.J.’s dreams of beholding his grandchildren and seeing his bloodline through his only son. And every time J.R. would gaze at her son, he’d feel cheated and resentful. The thought of J.R. resenting her hurt more than the pesky ache in her stomach.

Taking another step back, Darah decided against revealing herself to the couple. They didn’t need to know she’d come for them, and Nurse Karen was more than capable of stabilizing J.R.’s father.

Suddenly Clement opened the door leading to the garden and stepped inside, greeting the couple with a smile. When he spotted Darah standing by the column, he started to call out to her.

Putting one finger to her mouth, she shook her head adamantly, pleading with him not to call her out.

Noticing Clement’s furrowed brow, J.R. turned in the direction of his gaze.

Darah ducked behind the column, heart pounding violently in her chest. If he knew she’d been standing there and overheard their conversation, he’d feel even more shame. She didn’t want that for him.

“What is it?” J.R. inquired gently.

“Uh, it’s nothing.”

Darah released the breath she didn’t know she’d been holding, and a solid tear slid down her cheek.

“What are you still doing out here? Thought you’d be heading back.” Clement asked.

“Darah’s still with Uncle,” Hana answered. “So we’re giving them privacy.”

Wiping the tears with the back of her hand, Darah slunk away before Clement’s could respond. She’d make her decision now. J.R. didn’t deserve to bear the shame and pain of what she’d done.

“I see…” Clement spotted Darah trudging away and frowned. He’d noticed the sadness in Darah’s face, as if she’d been gutted. Something was wrong. He returned his attention to J.R. “Well, I better go see about her before I head back. The family’s wondering if she stay with you or come with me.”

Deciding to keep his opinion about that decision unspoken, J.R. simply nodded.

Hana placed her hands to her hips. “It’s not advisable that she stay here in her condition. Expectant mothers need as much rest as possible, don’t you agree Reverend?”

At the look of alarm on Clement’s face, J.R. nodded. “It’s okay, we already discussed it.”

Clement frowned. Was the discussion the cause of Darah’s shell-shocked expression? He turned to J.R., gaze wary. “You told her?”

“Actually,” Hana spoke up before J.R. could. “I figured it out on my own and confirmed with your sister.”

His frown only deepened as she confirmed his concern for Darah. He tamped a weary sigh. “Yeah, you’re right, Doc. I better get my pregnant sister home then.” Cutting J.R. a withering glance, Clement brushed past them to go after Darah.

The three found Darah standing outside the door to L.J.’s room. Clement scowled as Darah kept her head bent, hiding her face. No doubt she was crying.

Concerned that she was outside and not with his father, J.R. stepped forward. “What’s wrong?” He glanced toward the door and then back at her. “Did something happen?”

Clement frowned as J.R. placed his hands on Darah’s shoulders. “Why don’t you go find out about your old man first? I’ll handle my sister.”

J.R. hesitated, looking at Darah’s bent head. Her silence was unsettling, more so than her taut shoulders that drew in defensively when he touched her. His heart skipped a beat, afraid of what his father might have said to her? “What happened?”

Hana stepped around him to open the door, and gasped at the sight of the doctor and nurse by L.J.’s bed. “Bhaiyaa, come quick.”

At the panic in Hana’s voice, he looked up and spotting the somber expressions awaiting him inside, he released Darah’s shoulders.

Clement came to stand by Darah as J.R. stepped inside and closed the door. Then he placed a hand on her shoulder, feeling it tremble against his palm. “What happened?”

This time, Darah let out a whimper and leaned her forehead against his chest. Clement swallowed a sigh and wrapped his arms around her.

“Can we go home now?” her voice was faint, reminding him of the nights when she had terrible nightmares as a kid. “Please?”

The soft plaintiff made him tighten his hold around her. “Alright, let’s go.”

J.R. frowned at his sleeping father’s form, wondering what went wrong. The niggling thought of a morose Darah standing outside the door crossed his mind. “I thought you said he was stable. What happened?”

The doctor nodded, expression somber. “It seems the edema is taking its time to clear up. The oxygen levels are gradually increasing, which is good, but we’ll have to monitor him a bit more closely.”

His shoulders sagged. “So his discharge date…”

“We’ll have to postpone that for now.” The doctor glanced down at his patient. “His immune system is a bit compromised, so we’ll have to watch for infection also…”

The calmer of the two, Hana nodded and placed her hand on J.R.’s shoulder. “Thank you Doctor.”

Nurse Karen stalled after the doctor left the room, then she turned to the couple with a wan smile. “He’ll be fine, he’s in good hands. I’ll be praying for you.”

J.R. nodded listlessly and lowered to the chair beside his father’s bed, staring at his mask-covered face. Just when he thought his father was getting better, bad news re-surfaced. He dragged a hand over his face and let out a weary sigh.

“Thank you for catching it on time,” Hana said, her hand still resting on J.R.’s shoulder.

“Oh, it wasn’t me. The fiancée Darah found me first,” Nurse Karen responded. “She was a bit shook up, so I immediately knew something was wrong.”

J.R. looked up, surmising why Darah trembled in his arms. He was instantly reminded by the Teka siblings’ deeply-rooted aversion to hospitals. Just like him, they’d had their fair share of traumatic events and didn’t need another to remind them of their painful past. Maybe it was best for Darah to return with Clement than staying here with him. As much as he needed her now, she was better off at home with her family. Resolved, he turned to Hana.

She nodded with a half-smile. “I’ll check on her.”

He sighed as Hana stepped out, then arched a brow when she returned with a frown on her face.

“She’s gone,” Hana answered, hand on the doorknob. “She and her brother.”

His phone then dinged and vibrated at his hip. Fishing it out, he answered Clement’s call. “Hello?”

“Don’t worry about Darah. I’ll take her home.”

J.R. swallowed the lump in his throat. “Alright.”

Without another word, Clement disconnected the call and J.R. lowered the phone to his thigh. Part of him was relieved, part of him disappointed with the news. Deciding to worry about Darah later, he shook out of it to ask Nurse Karen the next steps in his father’s recovery.

In the car, Clement lowered the phone to the cup-holder and exhaled deeply. “You alright?”

In the passenger’s seat, Darah had her face to the window and kept silent.

When she sniffed back tears, Clement reached up and patted her head. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

Unfortunately, his words offering no balm to Darah’s aching heart. The decision that awaited her would be the hardest one she would have to make, probably harder than her decision to keep the baby. More than anything, she dreaded and resented the resolution altogether.

Darah closed her eyes tightly shut, pushing one last tear down her cheek.

<<Chapter 21 || Chapter 23>>

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