Posts tagged “grief

Neville & Genevieve: Part 2

Posted on 27/03/2013

fadingshadowsMuffled echoes of wailing drifted over her head as she leaned against the cold wall of her mother’s empty room, staring listlessly at the black gown draped over the chair. Silent tears fell down her sticky cheeks as she clenched the worn glove in her right hand, her left hand hanging over her folded knee. The fading scent of her mother’s lavender body powder remained under her nose where she’d swiped it above her upper lip. In the bleary daze, she didn’t notice the warm rays of the Caribbean sun caressing her right bare shoulder or the warm breeze that lifted her loosened hair that hung limply around her face.

Nothing was going to be the same. Everything was about to change. Even now things were not how they were a fortnight ago. The tears slid down onto her collarbone and she drew in her lips as the sobs surged up in her throat. Squeezing her eyes closed tightly, Genevieve lifted her hands to cover her face, the worn glove that belonged to her mother pressing against her nose. Faint fragrance of lavender and berries, her mother’s scent, wafted under her nose and a sob escaped her lips.

The door squeaked open and Genevieve stiffened, although she didn’t remove her hands from her face. Hesitant footsteps approached her and Genevieve bit her bottom lip, wanting to scream out for them to leave her alone. She was tired of the questions, the apologies, the sad piteous expressions on their faces as they expressed their regrets for her loss. She didn’t need their sympathy. She wanted her mother back.

“Gene…” the soft voice of her best friend, Ameya, pushed through the despair in her and Genevieve allowed the sobs to take over. “Oh dear…” the woman said as she knelt beside Genevieve and wrapped her arms around her. Genevieve allowed her body to lean against Ameya’s, letting the grief and pain to take control of every part of her. It was all she could do for now.

An hour passed and Genevieve stared over Ameya’s shoulder as her friend buttoned the front of her dress. Her body felt so heavy, her mind muddled, her heart straining and pulsing with sheer pain and emptiness. Ameya didn’t say a word, didn’t whisper any regretful thoughts or sympathy and that was what Genevieve needed right now; just companionable silence to cloak the ever-present loneliness looming over her.

Once she’d pushed Genevieve’s small feet into her polished shoes, Ameya helped her friend to stand to her feet and led her toward the door. She placed her hand on Genevieve’s arm, gently guiding her through the hallway where a few of their neighbors dressed in black waited for her. Shielding her friend from their solemn stares, Ameya quietly steered Genevieve toward the steps and her friend bit her bottom lip when she spotted Ameya’s tall Caucasian husband Jonathan. Even he’d come in her mother’s honor.

The tears fell down her cheeks as Ameya slid into the backseat of the car with her while Jonathan rounded the front to sit in the front. She lowered her gaze to her hand joined with Ameya as the car eased down the sloping street. It was all she could do not to look back at the house she’d shared with her mother for most of her life. Squeezing her eyes against the stinging tears, Genevieve leaned against Ameya.

“She was a strong yet gentle spirit,” the words of one of the middle-aged women beside the open grave drifted over Genevieve’s stiff body as she stood between Ameya and an inconsolable Mrs. Hendi. “Always there to offer a helping hand.” The woman paused to dab at her eyes. “A long time ago before she fell ill, she offered time again to take care of my children.”

Genevieve’s cheeks warmed, recalling her mother’s vivid brown eyes before her illness. The heart disease had taken a toll on her mother’s joy.

“I won’t ever forget her.”

The words continued with each attendant before they would place on top of the grave their white flowers, donated by Mamiku Gardens in honor of the sweet lady who had helped decorate the town with flowers at every festival.

“She’ll always be my little Fefe,” a deep voice filled with remorse sounded like loud echoes in Genevieve’s ears.

She looked up at the familiar nickname that only one man could call her. A sob caught in her throat as she gaped at the man standing beside the grave. His gentle but sad face blurred as the tears flowed freely once again. Biting her bottom lip, Genevieve had to lean against Ameya who had stepped up to steady her from falling.

“May her soul rest in perfect peace,” Neville said gently as he placed his flower on top of the others before rounding the grave to stand before Genevieve. He didn’t even give Ameya a moment to step away before he wrapped his arms around Genevieve whose agonizing sobs sounded above the others weeping around her.

A day had passed since the funeral and Genevieve stared quietly at the half-empty cardboard box containing her mother’s folded clothes. Her brow furrowed as she stepped forward, pulling a silky polka dot blouse out and unfolding it. She could still remember the day her mother had bought the blouse, proudly draping it over her chest and spinning around. Genevieve had been only ten at the time and her mother was celebrating with a new garment for her husband. The blouse held bittersweet memories since her mother had worn it the day her father was supposed to return from a fishing trip, only to pull his lifeless body against her bosom when his fellow colleagues brought him home.

Genevieve buried her nose into the fabric, breathing in the scent of lavender. Her mother had been such a strong woman, even with her debilitating health. Those dancing brown eyes were full of joy despite losing a husband early, or when she had to work late nights just to have enough money for their home and Genevieve’s schooling. A pang of regret forced the tears back to her eyes as she squeezed the fabric. She inhaled sharply when the tears slid onto the blouse and she pulled back, not wanting to soil the material. No she couldn’t put these away.

The door to her mother’s bedroom swung open and Genevieve quickly folded the blouse, placing it on the bed before turning toward the door. Her brow furrowed as her gaze lowered from the sight of Neve standing in the doorway. She hadn’t taken the time to get used to him being here after almost a year. “What do you want?” she mumbled hoarsely from crying throughout the night.

“I knocked a few times but figured you were here…” Neve answered easily, stepping over the threshold into the room. His eyes scanned the empty walls and shook his head. It was too soon, even for him. Lowering his gaze back to Genevieve, he raised a brow. “Why are you doing this by yourself?”

Genevieve sighed, folding her arms across her chest, hating this strange vulnerability she felt around him. “I’m not. Ameya and Jon took a few boxes away. I’m preparing the next set.” She swallowed the hard lump lodged in her throat.

“Why?” He took one step closer to her, noting how she also leaned away from him.

“Because… I have to.” Genevieve frowned as he stepped toward her and she shifted away, perching on her mother’s bed.

Neve stalled, glancing once at the open box before looking back at her. “That can wait. Have you eaten?”

Genevieve let out a humorless laugh. “Does it look like I want to eat right now?”

“It doesn’t matter. Have you eaten?”

“Leave me alone, Neve.”

“Can’t. Have you eaten?”

Her jaw clenched visibly and she glared up at him. “What is it to you if I eat or not? Does it matter?”

Neve merely stared at her and she jerked her eyes away, hating the look on his face. He was just like the others, full of pity and no promises to ease her pain. “Just go away, Neve. I’m not in the mood for company.”

“Remember when you said that to me?”

Genevieve rolled her eyes. “Don’t even try to equate your silly puppy love to what I’m feeling right now.”

“Fair enough.” Neve shrugged as he rounded the bed to sit beside her, noting with chagrin as she shifted away from him. He turned slightly to face her. “I’m asking as a friend who is genuinely concerned. I would bring over a casserole and force you to eat it but you know I can barely fry eggs.”

The corner of her lips lifted. “Thanks for not trying to kill me.” The smile faded quickly and she lowered her eyes, tears dropping on her gray pants.

Neve merely sat beside her with his hands trained at his sides, although his palms itched to wipe her tears and pull her back into his arms. He’d missed her. Missed those taunting brown eyes and her glib tongue. He should’ve known she was facing this trauma when he hadn’t heard from her in weeks. Imagining the pain Mrs. Faluna had faced in her last days and the heartache it’d caused Genevieve made his heart squeeze tightly. Pushing back his protests to stay on his side of the bed, Neve wordlessly draped an arm about her shoulders and pulled her close against him.

Genevieve merely turned and buried her face into the crook of his arm, sobbing openly. Neve looked over her head at the lone portrait of a younger Genevieve and her mother beaming brightly in front of a garden. He could only imagine the loneliness that had grasped hold of Genevieve and inadvertently, he pulled her closer.

<<Part 1 || Part 3>>

Tunde & Anaya: Part 6

Posted on 26/03/2013

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Tunde adjusted the slim gray tie under his collar and lifted his eyes to the solemn reflection in the mirror. Just then, the door swung open and his gaze shifted to his brother’s equally grave expression. He sighed, hands smoothing the gray tie. Silas approached him, hands shoved in black slacks.

“Silly, silly, silly…” Silas muttered as he leaned against the window’s ledge by the mirror. His eyes lifted to Tunde’s face, eying the man from head to toe. “Sure you can do this?”

Tunde shrugged his shoulders. “What else can I do? His mother requested I give the eulogy…”

Silas snorted under his breath and turned his head to peer out onto the street, watching as people filed into the two-story church building. “Senseless fighting, amounting to what?”

Tunde’s eyes watched Silas’ mouth, his brother’s words echoing the pain in his heart. Femi Oyeniran. A young and promising high school senior who was on his way to Texas A&M University at the end of the year. He remembered the lanky young man with his mischievous eyes and easy laugh. A good boy, caught in the crossfire of a senseless feud. Picturing the boy’s lifeless body in the casket on the first floor, Tunde dragged his eyes from Silas’ profile and focused his gaze back on his tie.

Silas shook his head and turned back to Tunde who was frowning at his lopsided tie. Pushing off the ledge, he walked over and gently pushed Tunde’s hands to straighten the tie himself. “Nervous?”

Tunde heaved a sigh. “Annoyed. Confused.” Why was Femi downtown so late at night? Why couldn’t their fellow Nigerians bury the hatchet and stop fighting each other? His heart twisted, recalling the shy gaze of the lovely Anaya and his brow furrowed deeper. Disappointed.

“Your dream girl,” Silas said, pausing when Tunde stiffened visibly. His eyes lifted to Tunde’s. “She’s a Fulani right?”

Tunde didn’t reply, merely staring at his younger brother with a grave expression.

Silas grunted and lowered his eyes back to Tunde’s stubborn silk tie. “It’s unfortunate that her people can’t get along with ours… but you still want her, don’t you?”

He felt his heart skip a beat as the truth pushed through the despair. “Yeah, I do.” Seeing her that night, with her gentle eyes searching his as he shared with her about his ear condition, he had a feeling that she was beginning to give him a chance. But what if she felt differently now?

“Do you think she’ll let something like her people’s discord with ours to not give you guys a chance?”

Tunde swallowed hard, looking over Silas’ head at the darkening sky in the window. The storm was coming, the gray blanket of clouds settling over the town. “I hope not… I pray not.”

Anaya bit her bottom lip as she sat at the second stair with Leeza who pressed her ear against the wall, listening to their mother’s agonizing cries as their father relayed the news. This time the fight was personal. Hadiza’s second older cousin’s first son had been killed in the crossfire. Ibrahim Sanusi was a young and impressionable, fiery tempered man. Anaya remembered the few times he’d come with his father to visit them, recalled that cold dark stare whenever Leeza and Anaya dared to stare back at him. She’d never liked him and now felt terrible that she’d ever harbored ill feelings toward the young man being laid to rest tomorrow evening.

From what she’d caught wind of from her father’s muffled voice, the other side had lost a young man of their own. Her heart twisted in pain and she clenched the hem of her tunic. When would the fighting stop? It’d been much quieter, more peaceful when they came to this country almost eight years ago. Sure there were cold and pointed stares between the different groups but no one dared to strike the other. When did it all start?

Leeza tapped her knee and Anaya dragged her gaze to her sister’s questioning one. The younger girl cocked her head to gesture that they go back upstairs and Anaya realized that her mother’s sobbing had ceased. Their father had succeeded to calm her down… for now. It wouldn’t be long after he left that Mother would take to praying aloud. To Allah for the sake of her people.

Tamping down a sigh, Anaya slowly rose and followed Leeza back to her room. She closed the door quietly and walked over to the bed where Leeza had taken her place, legs crossed, eyes focused on Anaya.

“You are worried?” Leeza asked quietly and Anaya dared not look into her sister’s sage gaze.

“Sad. Confused.” Disappointed. An image of the dark-skinned, kind-eyed Tunde crossed her mind and she reluctantly squelched it down, guilt filling her heart.

Leeza tilted her head curiously. “Why? Because Tunde’s a Yoruba man?”

Anaya jerked her wide-eyed gaze to her sister. “Could you be quiet?” She hissed through clenched teeth, peering over her shoulder at the door.

Leeza rolled her eyes, leaning back on her elbows. “So what if he’s Yoruba? Don’t tell me you believe that nonsense Mama said?” She frowned at Anaya’s silence. “You do?”

Anaya bit her bottom lip. “I know he’s not like them. That he’s kind and…” She shook her head. “I can’t. You know Mama will fall ill if I even mention a Yoruba man asking to date me.”

“Sister, don’t you think you’re giving Mama enough reins on your life?” Leeza leaned forward and grabbed her older sister’s hand, forcing the girl to look at her. “You can’t do that, Anaya. You shouldn’t.”

At Leeza’s sincere urging, Anaya could feel the tears gather at her eyes. She blinked them back and shook her head, insistent. “She’s already having a hard time with Ibrahim’s… I can’t add to her grief.”

Leeza dropped Anaya’s hand and drew back, glaring at her sister. “You will sacrifice your chance to be happy because of Mother’s stupid fear of them?”

The door swung open and Anaya stiffened as Leeza inhaled sharply. Anaya didn’t turn around but knew who stood on the other side of the door. “Papa…” Leeza said softly.

“Go start to prepare dinner,” their father’s stern but soft voice sounded from the door. It didn’t take a second for Leeza to fly off the bed and shuffle out the door, her head bent penitently. She knew this was not the end. It was clear that their father had heard everything.

Anaya bit the insides of her cheeks to keep from shivering visibly, her back still turned to the door. Her father’s footsteps sounded as he entered the room and closed the door behind him. She closed her eyes and lowered her head. “Papa…” she croaked out. “I’m sorry.”

The mattress dipped as her father perched on the edge. “Lift your head, Ana…” he said softly.

Anaya swallowed hard, gripping the hem of her tunic as she forced herself to lift her head, eyes still closed.

A soft gentle chuckle permeated through the gripping fear and she squinted one eye open. Her father’s kind eyes stared back at her and Anaya released a tight sigh as she opened both eyes. A slight smile lifted one end of his mouth as he regarded her openly. “A Yoruba man, huh?”

The incredulity in his voice stiffened her body again and Anaya lowered her face again. “Papa, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what, Ana? That a wise man sees the treasure I have held dear since you were given to me?”

Her heart slammed hard against her chest. Anaya blinked rapidly as the tears gathered again. She shook her head. “I should’ve told you first.”

“Really… Between the shooting and your mother’s mourning, how would you have gotten my attention?” His hand moved to cover her own and Anaya stared down at the dark long-fingered hand of her father’s. She bit her bottom lip to keep from sobbing. Gratitude surged through her for her father’s faith in God. His gentleness and love for his daughters and wife was something she’d never seen in any of the men in their community.

“You must know this already, my Ana,” her father continued speaking when she couldn’t utter another word. His fingers curled around her palm. “The God you and I serve, he has a funny way of making life… How do you say it, he has a strange sense of humor.”

Anaya dared to look up and saw a full grin on her father’s face. She blinked at him, still unable to speak.

“This Yoruba man, do you like him?” Her father’s dark brown eyes searched hers.

Her heart skipped a beat as Tunde’s image appeared before her mind’s eye and she took a moment, basking in the warm way he looked at her, the gentle way he had tended to her ankle and the direct way he told her of his interest in her. Warmth surged through her body and the corners of her mouth lifted, encouraged by the gentleness in her father’s smile. “Yes, Papa… I do.”

Her father nodded and squeezed her hand gently. “Then don’t worry. Your mother, I will take care of her. Your sister is right, for a change.” He gave her a wry smile. “A child should not have to sacrifice for their parents… It’s the other way around, you should know this.”

Anaya dipped her head, overwhelmed by her father’s words. He was a man of few words but she’d always been closer with him than her mother because of the way he showed his love and reverence for God, a God she believed in wholeheartedly. Her mother, Hadiza, his wife, was still battling to release her ties with Allah and for that reason; Anaya couldn’t connect as well with her. “Papa…” she choked in between a sob.

He shifted on the mattress and placed a hand on her bowed head. “Don’t worry. The God you and I serve, He will take care of everything. Remove the fear from your heart and trust Him.”

Tears of relief fell unrestrained now as Anaya leaned her head on her father’s strong but narrow shoulders, feeling the tight hold on her heart release with the valued, soothing word from her reticent father.

<<Part 5 || Part 7>>